What is ghosting? Why is it the biggest trend in modern dating? What should you do if you’re ghosted? Is ghosting someone ever okay? If so, when is it okay to ghost somebody?
In the pilot episode of the Single AF Podcast, host Michael Noker covers the definition of ghosting, or the act of disappearing without a trace in the middle of dating somebody. Then we take a moment to silently acknowledge the fact that this is a big enough Thing to merit its own episode.
I tell a story about my personal experience with ghosting – including a guy who ghosted me mid-conversation. I’d love to say that the story ends there, but it continued to develop over the next couple months – give it a read!
Finally, we talk about when ghosting is acceptable and right. Namely, is it okay to ghost someone if they’re being creepy or abusive, or otherwise when they’re just not willing to accept the truth?
And then I egged his house.
Food for thought
Now, the big question: obviously, we establish in this episode that ghosting isn’t particularly kind. It’s pretty harsh. We’re obsessed with closure. We want to understand what we did wrong. Or at least hear the good ol’ it’s not you it’s me cop out.
I’ve definitely ghosted guys in the past when it just wasn’t in the cards. Likewise, many of you shared that you’ve done the same.
I suppose that leaves us with one major question: how do we decide whether we’re justified in ghosting someone? And beyond that, can we establish an agreed-upon alternative? Can we start sending text messages that state it?
“This is the part where I’d ghost you, but I respect you enough to tell you up front that I’m never going to acknowledge your existence again. Goodbye.”
And then you add the ghost emoji.
Would that be better or worse?
Why People Choose Ghosting In Dating
A couple listeners reached out to me to offer a possible explanation of the guy’s logic when he ghosted me. They said sometimes a guy is super nice, but they know they’re not interested. Because they don’t want to tell him, they do things to push him away.
Like when he invited me to meet his family. Since I was up for it (because I love people) despite the ick factor, he didn’t know what else to do. He just… poof.
In the context of his general behavior, it makes sense. He had a tendency to flake out on me. At least half of the times we were supposed to hang out, he never responded to my text messages. We canceled our meet-ups informally by default.
This wasn’t any rain on my parade, but it was confusing. It kind of makes sense, though. Note to self: If a guy invites you to meet his family after three non-dates, don’t. Don’t go the typical Elle Woods route. Just walk away.